september

In my last post, I wrote about the confidence of a childhood friendship, and being ten and knowing who I was and where I was going (x). The certainty that comes with a childhood relationship is powerful, it shapes you. Since then, and especially in the last week, I’ve been thinking about the intimacy part of relationships. What a beautiful thing, to share an intimate relationship with someone. To be able to open yourself up, show your heart and share your truth, and trust that the other person wants and likes what you are offering. But, the risk of intimate…

the long and winding road

When I had to move back home a couple of weeks ago, my mom asked me to start cleaning off my desk (we’re trying out this thing where we don’t hold onto stuff we don’t need or like or want for thirty years.) I started today, paring down my collections of books and papers, ruthlessly sorting things into “keep,” “donate,” and “garbage” piles. I, like everyone else, have been inspired by the Marie Kondo method of only keeping things that spark joy. During that cleaning frenzy, I came across a stack of cards that my mom mailed me while I…

stop.

Welcome back to 2am. I, for one, haven’t missed it. Tonight’s movie is Mamma Mia! and tonight’s exhausting intrusive thought is “what have I done?”¬† Here’s an update on my life, for those of you who need it: This week, by my own free will, I left the hospitality industry behind and today I embarked on a new journey of… nothing. I’m not going back to school, I’m not working anywhere, and I don’t have any job prospects. And it’s one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. As I’ve been telling people about my resignation over the last two…

rust

There are some days where (almost) everything goes right: you sleep in, you get some important errands done, you have a great shift and feel pretty and you have an excellent evening with your friends. You’re doing okay. And then you’re in your car on the way home and you start crying because suddenly, crushingly, you feel like you’re not going anywhere with your life. Because you’re 23 years old and still in school but you are convinced you’re not going to find a job in your field and you’ll have to be a part-time bartender living in your parents’…

new year, better me

Well, folks, it’s that time of year again. The beginning of January, a beautiful time of determination and hope that this is the year that we’ll keep our resolutions. We’ll go to the gym, we’ll eat better, we’ll quit smoking or drink less. It’s going to happen for real this time. I have never made and kept a new year’s resolution. I typically don’t put a lot of stock in them, and I don’t love to examine my life like that so thoroughly¬†after a week of overeating and general laziness and decide what I need to change. I’m always exhausted…

do mind me

I’m always covered in bruises or running into things. I have bad balance. I’m not a good person to have on a boat. Unfortunately for me, the past year or so has been a lot like being on a boat (a metaphor I’ve drawn before x). Everything about my life has changed dramatically several times and every time I feel like I have found my footing the ground pitches and I have to fight to regain my balance all over again. I feel like I’m always sort of tilted in one direction – too much work, too much time alone,…

extra ordinary

Blogging came easily when I was living abroad last year. Seeking inspiration, I spent some time looking at my old posts this week. They’re interesting if I do say so myself. I had a lot to say. I learned a lot from living in Sri Lanka and I knew how to share it with other people. It’s not so easy now. A year ago, I was learning about my own capabilities and strengths and how to be alone and learn a new culture and figure out work dynamics and every lesson I learned was worth sharing. They were the personal…