may

Grief. Let’s talk about it. grief/ɡrēf, noun. deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death. We’ve all felt it at some point in our lives. It’s a regular human emotion that eventually we will all encounter. There are studies on it – the five stages, the normal life cycle of sorrow. I think people even have a tendency to anticipate it, as if expecting it to come is going to make it any easier to bear. But. Is that ever untrue. When grief comes, no matter how you’ve tried to prepare yourself for it, it comes in swinging. It lands…

april

I don’t think it’s a secret to anyone that I haven’t been having a good time. Things are weird and hard in your 20s, and especially right now. I have spent a lot of time feeling far away from everyone else, and that’s hard for someone like me who values community so deeply. But. We’ve been in lockdown for (almost?) 6 weeks now and I feel less alone than I have in years. Having our world suddenly shut down has hurt a lot of people – myself included – and although I 100% agree with how necessary it is, I…

february

I know I’ve kind of dropped off the face of the earth for some people. I’ve gotten texts from friends asking if I’m okay, they haven’t heard from me in a few days. Sorry about that. It’s not you. I am not a quiet person, by nature. I love to talk. I have opinions on almost everything, many would say TOO many opinions. I love to learn about what other people are doing, I love to share funny or interesting things that have happened to me. Building connections and community is really important to me. So for me to go…

january

One of the first things you learn in SCUBA diving is how to achieve neutral buoyancy. My certification instructor took me to the bottom of the ocean, planted the toes of my fins in the sand, and showed me how to get just the right amount of air into my BCD so that I moved with the water. Breathe in, move up. Breathe out, move down. This wasn’t an easy thing for me to learn how to do. It’s not easy to be so still, to let the water and the current take over your motion like that. It requires…

december

I’m currently reading a book called “You’re not lost” by Maxie McCoy. It’s an “inspired action plan for finding your own way” and it has exercises in it to help you figure out what you want in life. What brings you energy, what lights your fire, all of that. One of the exercises I did today was call (text) ((Snapchat)) a friend and ask her what my future smells like. (the book acknowledged what a strange ask this was and also promised I’d want to hear the answer. I did.) Here’s what she said: Coffee. Coming home and turning on…

august

When I was in grade 5, going into grade 6, my teacher hosted an open house for incoming students to our gifted class. We said a few words about the program, and then there was time for us to talk to the younger students less formally, tell them how we really felt. My best friend and I were going through a musicals phase at the time (a phase that lasted several years) and were stuck on Grease. We had it memorized. And we proved it, making one girl listen to us recreate an entire scene. This has been stuck in my head…

the long and winding road

When I had to move back home a couple of weeks ago, my mom asked me to start cleaning off my desk (we’re trying out this thing where we don’t hold onto stuff we don’t need or like or want for thirty years.) I started today, paring down my collections of books and papers, ruthlessly sorting things into “keep,” “donate,” and “garbage” piles. I, like everyone else, have been inspired by the Marie Kondo method of only keeping things that spark joy. During that cleaning frenzy, I came across a stack of cards that my mom mailed me while I…